Can't Deal

I literally can't deal with my life right now.

First and foremost of course is the BAR. Its so much to remember and I just can't get myself motivated enough to study as much as I should because I feel like it won't make a difference.

This leads to the next thing which is DH's job situation. He has been out of work since January and although he had one contract job that task is over with now. He finally got an interview last week, but they decided to hire someone with more experience. DH also has a JD and he passed the BAR the first time, but this has not lead to any great employment opportunities instead it has seemed to shut doors in his face. He has even considered taking it off his resume. This is why the BAR just seems to be pointless to me at this point.

So we are rapidly running out of money and DH and I both have student loans to pay. Throughout this entire process even when he had a job making very little money he paid his student loan payment in full. I have no idea why he did that and I think he needs to talk to his lender and get the payments reduced.

And now I have my loans coming due very soon. I just don't know what to do about all this.

Oh and my Honey (my Gamma who is recovering from cancer surgery - her husband) was just diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. Luckily it doesn't seem to have spread, but he also has dementia and my Gamma refuses to put him in a home and instead wants to take care of him. They only recently got a lady to come and assist them.

Oh and did I mention the Oil Spill. My Dad works in the oil industry. He does engineering work (he doesn't have a degree) for oil rigs. This moratorium has already made the company lose one big job. So now, on top of everything else, I have to worry if my Dad is going to lose his job. If he did, I would have to pay for even more bills that I don't pay now like my car insurance, maintenance on my car, my cell phone and my medical insurance.

I just keep wondering why I did everything right in my life.

I would never have gone to the law school I went to and incurred the loans I did if I had known how terrible the economy would be once I got out. I did not bust my ass my entire life in order to be poor and jobless.

Oh yeah and to top it all off I'm fat for the first time in my life. And I can't buy new clothes I can fit in because I don't have any money.

Things really need to turn around soon or I'm not going to be able to hold my head above water.