Reflection

As I was posting pictures of my law school graduation on fb, I found myself looking at the pictures from my undergraduate graduation. This made me reflect back on how many changes have taken place in my life in those 3 1/2 years.

I graduated Magna Cum Laude from LSU with a Bachelors of Arts in Political Science in December 2006. It only took me three years and a half years to complete my degree. Looking back on it, it was probably the 3 and a half best years of my life to date. I had so much hope, so many dreams, so many plans.

I was already dating my husband and we had been dating a year and a half when I graduated undergrad. He had just finished his first semester of law school. The future seemed so bright for us.

Well, as they say, the best laid plans often go awry.

Now that I've graduated law school, I'm not excited, I'm not happy. Writing the beginning of that sentence brought tears to my eyes. Tears, thinking about what that 21 year old would have thought of the life she is now living. Tears of a planner who seems to never be able to carry out her plans perfectly.

My sister made a toast/speech to me tonight and in it she said how I stuck to my plan and completed it. She also said how I had a "Dream Life" and she hoped I was on my way to getting it.

Well life is never a dream life, but how do you tell a five year old or even a 13 year old that?

When I entered the honors 8th grade program at my high school, I remember my plan was to be a psychiatrist then go on to politics. My 8th grade friends even said that was a proper plan for me, but at 8th grade graduation when the class speaker said that, I thought no I now want to be a lawyer. That career choice has not changed since then. Yes, I've second guessed myself, but never really did I defer from that plan.

But the thing is, I never wanted to be an out of work lawyer or even a poor lawyer, I wanted to be a well off lawyer with a big house. As a girl who never grew up around lawyers, I had no idea that that was not the norm. In law school, I discovered the fact that there were poor lawyers who didn't live in big houses and struggled to pay the bills. But by then I had fallen in love with the law and started to realize I would be happy being a "poor" lawyer. That image of a "poor" lawyer, however, never included one without a JOB!

I had always wanted to do something where I would help people but make a lot of money doing it. Now I realize that I might be able to help people and not make money doing it. But part of me would be perfectly okay with that except that I have all these loans to pay back.

If I could get a public service job, however, and stayed in it for 10 years, my loans would be forgiven. I would be happy with that, in fact I would love that. I would get to practice law but not lose my soul in the process. I could help people who aren't able to afford an attorney but have a legal problem.

But these jobs aren't available either.

But that is now what I'm aiming for, to work for a non-profit of some sort and fulfill the first part of my basic plan - to do something where I help people. As for the second part, I've realized that money is certainly not everything and I'd rather be rich in life and love than rich in terms of my bank account.

The guest speaker at graduation said for us to plan but to be open to the possibility that God will lead us on another direction. I think I know where God is leading me, but I'm not sure at all. I guess we shall see, we shall see.....